I am at a point where I am truly questioning the reason why I am here.
What is my "self worth"?
I feel hopeless and un-useful all because I do not have a job AND have not had success finding one in 2 months.
Everyone says that something will "turn up" or that I will "figure it out" but I know that those are only words of encouragement that people are saying to help motivate me.
I know that yes, eventually something will "turn up" just as long as I keep pushing and actively seek a job.
But really, you think applying to 10-15 jobs a day would find you something but then there are those other people who are 10 times more qualified than you because they have been working since the day I was born.
Mind you, I do not spend my days sitting around.
At first I did the best therapy I knew, shopping!
Oh man, if anyone know me they know how much I can shop and how good I am at it.
Then I realized that shopping will not pay the bills, shopping will not find me a job and shopping does not make my walk-in closet expand (I am beginning to run out of space).
Now I turned to cooking. I cook dinner almost every night for one of my roommates and 2 friends. Although I have found a new fondness in low-fat cooking, I'm not sure if I would want to be the next Julia Child.
I started working out again, which feels great. I generally feel better about myself and each time I step off that elliptical I know I have more energy for the day. But working out won't find me a job.
Everyone says to take this time off and do the things that I want to do. To do all the things that I could not do because I would be working.
You know what I want to do? I want to travel. I want to visit our nation's capital and watch a musical on Broadway. I want to sit in the sand in Hawaii and walk the streets of Chicago. I want to get my Passport stamped with at least one European country. I want to visit all the Disneylands around the world. But can you do that while of EDD? NO! HELL NO!
What I really want in life is to work. I want to help people. I want to feel useful.
So you say to go out and volunteer? Check! I help 4th and 5th graders read every week. I'm going to start feeding the needy on Monday.
Maybe I should start going to church or something. Maybe I could join the church choir and feel a little self worth. I don't know. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't even know if I'm looking for an answer. I'm just looking for a sign to tell me that I am significant, I am needed and that I am worth something.
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